Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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