how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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