that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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