Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
