Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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