i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize