She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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