My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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