so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
