I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize