sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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