I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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