I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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