Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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