Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
