you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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