Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
third nipple confirmed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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