I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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