She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
