Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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