When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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