if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
