i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
