Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
