does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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