The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
