the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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