Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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