Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
