Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
