I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
