does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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