3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
