Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
