I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
