We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
