You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
