No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
