someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
