I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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