wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
