I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
