sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
