Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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