I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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