So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
