lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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My pussy is not your playground.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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