$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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