My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
