After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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