On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
