Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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