Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
