I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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