There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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