Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
