I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
