That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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