U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
