remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
