whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
