There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
do herpes really smell.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
