sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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