there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
