remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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