Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
