I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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