its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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