I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need water and some morals
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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