dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
