How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
