i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
