Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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