your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
