I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
