He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found puke in my bra..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
